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Joke of the Day

"My boss said when I'm at work, I should lay off the Doritos. I said ""you're the boss if you wanna fire Bob Dorito and his brother you do it"""

"I tried to rob a binoculars store today... But they saw me coming a mile away"

"I thought this hot Egyptian chick was hitting on me but she was just trying to lure me into a pyramid scheme. :("

"After everything I put, say to yourself 'So did Michael Jackson' I went to the beach on a sunny day. I saw an ice cream stall. I bought an ice cream. It melted."

"technology My Grandpa said ""Your generation relies to much on technology."" I said ""No, your generation relies to much on technology."" Then I unplugged his life support."

"Don't be a vegetarian ! It's a big missteak"

"What does a necrophiliac get at a funeral? Mourning wood."

"[spelling bee] Your word is ""spider"" Can you use it in a sentence? ""A spider has eight eyes."" [kid smiles] Spider. S-P-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-D-E-R"

"is anyone.. is anyone else excited for the season finale of America on Tuesday?"

"With Trump and Hillary being the candidates, I think we know who will win... Dave."