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Joke of the Day

"I knew my younger sister was becoming an archeologist after she started dating her best friend's father. She loves to be around old bones."

"Dinner conversation: 10YO: What 6 things would you want on a deserted island? Me: 1) You-- 10YO: Seriously? Why would you drag me into that?"

"Me: SORRY I HAVE TO HANG UP I'M HEADING INTO A TUNNEL * hangs up land-line *"

"My Friend once tried his hand at stand-up comedy My friend once tried his hand at stand-up comedy.It was so pathetic that everybody just laughed at his jokes."

"I could be Robin Hood if I had a bow and arrows and something to steal and give away and an old English accent and a gang of merry men."

"I always imagined myself growing old with an archeologist, at least that way I'd know His interest in me would increase over time."

"What do you call a gay person from Wisconsin? A Dairy Queen"

"I judge Usain Bolt based on his race All of his races, actually."

"Judas: How long are your arms? Jesus: Why? Judas: Like in a cross, how long Jesus: A what? Judas:Across. How long across."

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my father... Not screaming like his passengers."