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Joke of the Day

"Me: SORRY I HAVE TO HANG UP I'M HEADING INTO A TUNNEL * hangs up land-line *"

"Wish I had a dollar for every time I've heard, ""Actually sir, we have you on camera."""

"According to my cholesterol level I'm a pizza."

"I was in a flash mob once. We'd mainly just hold people at gunpoint until they updated their Adobe."

"Why did Bill Cosby go to Japan with a bag of roofies? He had Jello fever!"

"Imagine falling in love with someone and then discovering that he has faith in humanity."

"A Maritimer in a bar once asked me if I had ever tried Moosehead. I said ""No, but I've had some pretty grizzly pussy in my day."""

"So I was having sex with a crazy girl. I was fucking insane ..."

"I like my cars how I like my women Asian and dirty."

"In hell, your socks are always wet"