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Joke of the Day

"Judas: How long are your arms? Jesus: Why? Judas: Like in a cross, how long Jesus: A what? Judas:Across. How long across."

"I try to do my job the way I have sex. Work fast and and get done quick"

"How to make Holy Water Friend: Hey, how do you make Holy Water? Me: Uhh...Let me think... Why? Friend: You boil the hell out of it! Me: Get out."

"What do you call a fast zombie? A zoombie"

"I am Bill Gates and today, I will be teaching you how to count to ten: 1, 2, 3, 95, 98, NT, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10."

"ke$ha gets caught in the currency exchange market she is now ke0.77ha"

"One time, I pulled my pants down to moon someone & accidentally opened the car door instead of the window & rolled down the street naked."

"What do Sea Monsters eat? Fish and SHIPS!"

"96% of my life is spent trying to figure out when I can get my next nap in."

"My boss said ""You're the worst fucking train driver ever,"" ""How many trains have you derailed to date?"" I replied ""It's hard to keep track."""