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Joke of the Day

"I could be Robin Hood if I had a bow and arrows and something to steal and give away and an old English accent and a gang of merry men."

"the worst part of the robot uprising will be the constant software updates"

"Suicide is only illegal because dead people can't pay taxes."

"I like my women like I like my onion rings. Battered."

"What do you call a gold fish with no teeth? A shit-fuck McGee."

"[making flamingos] God: bird. Adam: got it. G: but it stand still a lot. A: ok.. G: on one leg. A: how high are you? G: make it pink."

"I wish I had an old Asian man for a pet. That way I could name it ""Old Yeller"""

"Disease doesn't care if you are a celebrity, Micheal J. Fox has battled Parkinson for 22 years, and Jamie Lee Curtis is super irregular!"

"Not to be vague, but stuff and things"

"A bottle of Rum goes up to a bottle of Vodka... ...and says, ""I'm stronger than you!"" Bottle of Vodka rolls up his sleeves and says ""Proof it"""