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Joke of the Day

"I am terrified of elevators I am going to start taking steps to avoid them"

"What do you get when you mix a rooster with peanut butter? A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth."

"Anytime there's food in front of my face I always eat it even if I'm not hungry. That's why I could never be a gynecologist."

"Our Great Dane has been causing quite a smell around my house. Whenever he barks I shit myself."

"[funeral] *walks up to give eulogy* *pulls notes out of pocket* ""Frank was a weirdo that bit his toenails."" *folds notes* *sits back down*"

"A Priest walks in to a hotel to check in... And he asks the clerk at the front desk, ""Is the pornography disabled in my room?"" The clerk responds, ""No, it's regular porn you sick fuck!"""

"Did you hear about the emo windows? They were double-pained :,("

"I got lost in your eyes. But I also get lost in most department stores, so I wouldn't read too much into it."

"Two nuns... There are two nuns in a bath. One says, ""where's the soap?"" The other says, ""it does rather, doesn't it!"""

"First Kangaroo: If you were surrounded by 30 lions 25 elephants and 10 hippos how would you get away from them? Second Kangaroo: Step off the merry-go-round."