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Joke of the Day

"You know that photo of yourself you really fucking hate, it'll look great to you in ten years time so don't delete that shit."

"What's the difference between sex and conversation? You don't know? Well let's go have a discussion..."

"Dove: ..then he called me a fat pigeon! [sobs] Prince: ""There there, cry it out"" [starts recording] Um, you are a therapist, right? ""Sure"""

"I've always thought chicken breasts just come from female chickens, but it turns out they come from males as well. I suppose that means that I've literally eaten a ton of cock in my life."

"My Grandpa used to tell me ""Eat Every Bean and Pea on your Plate""!"

"Why the Spainish love English class.... Essays"

"What are Aladdin's least favourite biscuits Jaffar Cakes"

"What kind of hair do oceans have? ...Wavy hair."

"[stops during sex] If you spin my fanny pack around, there's sandwiches in there. Help yourself."

"What is big and hard when you put it in your mouth and small and soft when you take it out? A chewing gum you pervert"