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Joke of the Day

"I saw a really nasty wreck on the way to work this morning... ...wish I had had time to pick her up."

"You used to be the semicolon(;) in my life... You used to be the semicolon(;) in my life! Sorry but times have changed and I have python now...!"

"I have lots of great personality traits. Or as my doctor calls them, symptoms."

"What's the capital of Greece? About 10"

"How do you call an unfanny comedian? A youtuber."

"My food pyramid is a cup of coffee sitting on a pack of cigarettes."

"Why is it better to be fat than skinny? Because the pros LITERALLY outweigh the cons!"

"I'll have a club sandwich on rye. Hold the mayo. Cuddle the mustard. Whisper soft words of confidence to the lettuce. Make love to the onion"

"You know what cats don't like? Blow dryers. You know what's funny? Pointing your blow dryer at your cat. Anyway, I lost an eye today."

"What did the doctor say When a fruit walked into his office that was feeling like a vegetable? ...what's tomato with you?!"