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Joke of the Day

"[Ancient Egypt job centre] - Name? ""Ankhesenamun"" - How do you spell that? ""Reed comb water Ankh, bendy straw water shitting priest"""

"Never trust an atom. They make up everything."

"Wore camouflage pants once. Still can't find my legs."

"Where's the best place for a horse to grow up? In a stable environment. Sorry I'm high and it just came to me."

"Blonde with a twist Q: What do you get when you combine a blonde woman with a physicist? A: Marie Curie"

"can U answer this? If a woman is uncomfortable watching you masturbate ...Do you think: (a) You need more time together, (b) She's a prude, or (c) She should sit somewhere else on the bus?"

"Him: How many glasses of wine have you had today? Me: One, but it was in the shape of a giant bottle."

"What did the creepy scientist say to his new creepy wife? Let's grow MOLD together!"

"You're 16 and miss the 90's? Yeah, I'm sure those were the best 3 years of your life. Shitting in your pants and eating crayons."

"Ever since I became blind I never looked back... Or forward, or right, or left."