41007

Joke of the Day

"[Ancient Egypt job centre] - Name? ""Ankhesenamun"" - How do you spell that? ""Reed comb water Ankh, bendy straw water shitting priest"""

"A few months ago I got a haircut I didn't like... ...but since then, it's grown on me."

"Why couldn't Arnold Schwarzenegger run for president? Because he doesn't do cardio."

"A girl says to a salesman, ""I'm not sure if I should buy a sweatshirt or a windbreaker."" He says, ""Well, that depends. Are you gonna sweat, or are you gonna break wind?"""

"*steps on a Lego* *shouts a bunch of obscenities* Son: *walks in* is football on?"

"If an opinion is worth 2 cents, how many cents is an argument worth? It really just depends on how much cents it makes."

"Why does the moon have no hair? because it's waxing"

"What do you do after raping a blind, deaf and mute girl? Break her fingers so she can't tell anyone."

"Did you hear about the Mathematician who was constipated, and lost his calculator? He worked it out with a pencil"

"And Grandmother, what big thighs you have! *Wolf just starts crying*"