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Joke of the Day

"If an opinion is worth 2 cents, how many cents is an argument worth? It really just depends on how much cents it makes."

"Driving Wizard A wizard is driving down the highway, a man try's to merge into his lane in front of him. The wizard speeds up and yells out the window, ""You shall not pass!"""

"What do you call a nut? What do you call nuts on the wall? Walnuts What do you call nuts on your chest? Chestnuts What do you call nuts on your chin? My dick in your mouth"

"Had to dump my Amish girlfriend.... she drove me buggy."

"A Doctor gives his patient the bad news that he only has a week to live... Patient - ""No, I don't accept that! I'd like an alternative fact please"" Doctor - ""Money-wise, you are now set for life"""

"Is it 5 seconds from when it hits the floor or when I see it? I just noticed a skittle under my desk. I don't remember eating skittles."

"What is my dentist's favorite indie band? Fluoride and the Machine"

"Other girls think they are quirky because they pet dogs at parties. I on the other hand, fear death but also long for it"

"What do a walrus and a ziploc bag have in common? They both like a tight seal."

"After coming out of hibernation the Philae Lander has some tough decisions. Reserve that free Windows 10 upgrade or not...?"