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Joke of the Day

"Did you know condoms had serial numbers? I guess you've never had to roll it down that far"

"A young boy walked up to his father and asked, ""Dad, does a lawyer ever tell the truth?"" The father thought for a moment. ""Yes, son. Sometimes a lawyer will do anything to win a case."""

"Why didn't the fat duck have any friends? Because he was ostrich-sized."

"What is a crevice that is owned by someone and not allowed to be stepped into? None of your abyss-ness"

"There are three things I hate... * reposts * bullet lists * irony"

"Me: I won't be in due to a VOLCANO Boss: ..we live, in Florida..? Me: IRRELEVANT Boss: Me: *opens 3rd bottle of vodka, puts on arm floaties*"

"Since I started dating my girlfriend half a year ago I became a millionaire 6 months ago I was a billionaire."

"Now I know my dad laughed so much the first time I said ""fajita"" I pronounced it like ""[FUHJITUH]"" and you can guess what it sounds like."

"Why can't you barbecue in Amsterdam? Because the steaks are too high."

"Donald Trump doesn't have one solid, concrete idea! Except for the wall."