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Joke of the Day

"I went to the library to get a medical book on abdominal pain. Somebody had ripped the appendix out."

"Me: Watcha got there? 8: Lemonade. Me: What kind? 8: Mike's Me: Nooooooo"

"My wife asked why I keep my guns in the library. I said it's for shelf-defense."

"Why is Chuck Norris still alive? ## Because he's afraid of meeting Bruce Lee on the other side! Credit: Saw the comment in this [tribute video](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v8wL3AA4BP0) [1:55]"

"Twitter... it's for the birds!"

"Look UPS guy, you can't just show up at someone's house unannounced and expect them to have pants on."

"Fellas; If she doesn't call you every fcuking minute of the day, never let her go."

"My leg brushed against the toilet in a Starbucks bathroom. Goodbye leg. You were a good leg."

"Why would somebody punch a sheep? Ewe wouldn't understand."

"Harry Potter: A Shortened Version Voldemort: I must kill Harry Potter. Everyone else: Lol, no."