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Joke of the Day

"A guy types ""lower case is for the lower class people"" someone else replies with ""I guess that makes you a capitalist"""

"What do Pink Floyd fans and NASCAR driver Kyle Larson have in common? They both love The Wall"

"Therapy Me: she never tells me anything Her: He doesn't listen Me: that's bs gimme an example Her: I'm 8 months pregnant Me: WHOA"

"They told me to get help when I was suicidal. My guy was terrible-- he wouldn't even pull the trigger!"

"Why doesn't Pakistan have its national football team? Whenever they get a corner, they will set up a shop."

"Everything becomes 100 times louder when you're trying not to wake someone up."

"I just read an article on the dangers of alcohol and it scared the shit out of me So that's it. I'm done. No more reading after today"

"If I could be any animal I'd pick a turtle, strictly for the chance, however slight, I could be turned into a ninja."

"Did you hear about the prank these guys pulled on Hitler? When Hitler found out, he was fuhrer-ious."

"What does Ebenezer Scrooge serve at his Christmas Party? Humburgers!"