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Joke of the Day

"I just read an article on the dangers of alcohol and it scared the shit out of me So that's it. I'm done. No more reading after today"

"I can see my Uber driver's car is almost out of gas and it's really stressing me out."

"What is the difference between the Cleveland Browns and Santa...... Santa is still relevent in december"

"Why do baked bean cans contain only 239 beans? Because if they had one more, they would be 240."

"Why can't you trust snakes ? They speak with forked tongues !"

"Just been to Tesco and swapped 50 raisins for 100 sultanas Can't believe the currant exchange rate!"

"What do you call a Flaming Homosexual? A hate crime."

"Procrastination is a dish best served eventually."

"Tight pants are like a cheap hotel... No ball room"

"*Writes a song for you* *Sings it under your bedroom window* *You call the cops* *Your husband falls in love with me*"