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Joke of the Day

"I live off my music and the pain it inflicts on others."

"I called out of work today... Told my boss I had anal glaucoma. I couldn't see my ass coming in today."

"Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A: A nervous wreck."

"My ex husbands Voicemail was a trick one where he'd say ""Hello Hello, so you think he'd answered and that's why he's dead."

"Chuck Norris house trained his dog by 1 roundhouse kick to the face."

"There was two muffins. They were put in the oven One muffin says to the other muffin, ""wow its hot in here!"" The other muffin said ""WHOAH, A TALKING MUFFIN!"""

"Grandma catches Bobby beating-off Stop it! Don't you know you can go blind from that? Gee gram, can't I just do it till I need glasses?"

"Alex: This term indicates a zero score in tennis. Contestant: What is love? *dance party erupts*"

"Showers: never want to get in, then never wanting to get out."

"Why does Hillary Clinton want to have sex with Bill first thing in the morning? She wants to be the first lady."