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Joke of the Day

"""did you hear the one about the grizzly who-"" dude stop ""it's just a joke man"" i know it's stupid but- *points to my date* bear with me"

"Don't date guys from the internet. The last guy said he lived in a gated community. Prison, he meant prison."

"stewardess Stewardess: ""Would you like some headphones?"" Me: ""How did you know my name was phones?"""

"What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? Oggggh (Gagging noise)"

"FAKE BREEDS I'VE TOLD PEOPLE MY DOG IS AT THE DOG PARK: Venetian Dabney, Brown Feta, Waxbeard, Oxnard Pike, Blue Hustler, High Presbyterian"

"Whenever I'm feeling like shit,... I simply go on YouTube, search for Skrillex videos and read the comments. Instantly, I feel a lot better."

"I used to have an invisible pencil I really didn't see the point of it."

"Judge: The defendant is claiming you're a nazi. Is this true? Lawyer: *flustered* er no fuhrer questions your honour *courtroom gasps*"

"My New Year's resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier."

"What happens when the Batman sees Catwoman? The Dark Knight Rises."