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Joke of the Day

"[Checking in at Comic Con] Attendant: How long did you spend on your cosplay? Me: Seven months A: *Hands me a badge marked ""Casual""*"

"I cooked a live Lobster in the microwave and now I have a giant mutant lobster in my living room demanding to watch The Little Mermaid."

"How did Harry get it in Ron's sweet Diagon Alley? A lubricantation."

"Premiering 2017. They never saw him coming. Sean Penn is The Retard Pope"

"Why didn't the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe!"

"What do you call an unimportant pachyderm? It's irrelephant."

"A Good Marriage I once gave my husband the silent treatment for an entire week, at the end of which he declared, ""Hey, we're getting along pretty great lately!"""

"Wanna hear a joke about my dick? Nevermind, it's too long."

"What would happen if you were to cross two snowmen with three vampires? You would get severe frostbite."

"Woke up this morning and the alarm clock was laughing at me....then I realized it was upside down and the time was 7:07"