201422

Joke of the Day

"Woke up this morning and the alarm clock was laughing at me....then I realized it was upside down and the time was 7:07"

"[class trip] I'm farmer Joe, this is my farm DO U HAVE COWS? Yes, it's a dairy farm DO U HAVE WHALES? Kid, why wouldn't we have whales?"

"What did the dog say after stepping off a sailboat? Wharf!"

"I've fathered 200 children..... in one of my reddit comments."

"Why do Scotsman wear kilts? Because sheep can hear a zipper a mile away."

"Every morning when my alarm goes off I think, ""this is the worst thing that has ever happened to me."""

"it's so crazy to think that, before the internet, real celebrities had to tattoo the little blue checkmark on their faces"

"The thing about the holocaust is... It was the experience of a lifetime."

"For every upvote this gets, my girlfriend and I will try one thrust of anal sex. Please don't upvote. Her strap-on is huge."

"Remember, it's not a real paleo diet unless you're eating mammoth every day."