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Joke of the Day

"What's the most important part of a vegetable's golf stats? The handicap."

"For some reason all of my friends are calling me racist I just can't seem to get through to them that racism is a crime, and crime is for black people"

"What do prostitutes work for? Incum"

"ME: I made you some coffee! It's even double filtered... fancy right? WIFE: ME: WIFE: couldn't separate the coffee filters could you? ME: no"

"Where does a thumb meet its type? At ***the space bar!*** oh-my-goodness! ~Skip"

"Why is the mushroom so popular? Because he's such a fungi."

"The other day I saw a midget climbing down a prison wall... He was a little condescending"

"*writes 'amount to something' on bucket list* *crosses it out* *writes 'mount something'* Yeah. That's do-able."

"My friend Phillip got his lip removed yesterday.. we call him Phil now"

"Just burned 2000 calories while in bed. That's the last time I take a nap while the brownies are in the oven."