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Joke of the Day

"I dream of a day when my toddler can poop and the entire neighborhood doesn't have to hear her say she's done."

"Star Wars Episode 7-9 Titles Revealed Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens Star Wars Episode VIII: The Force Sleeps For Five More Minutes Star Wars Episode IX: The Force Is Late For Work"

"How many Tenors does it take to screw in a Lightbulb? Trick Question. They only think they can reach that high."

"What's the different between a pilot and a pepperoni pizza? I give a shit when my pizza is burnt."

"I refrain from jogging in the morning because according to Law & Order: SVU there is a 95% chance you'll find a dead body"

"Why are recycle bins optimistic? Because they're full of cans. *ba dum tss*"

"I'm doing Bikram yoga today. By that I mean I'm in the back seat of a hot car trying to contort myself enough to reach the ignition."

"""Please don't make a scene."" -Horrible movie director"

"Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot."

"Has anybody ever seen the Grapefruit technique video? I heard it was directed by Phil Atio."