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Joke of the Day

"I'm doing Bikram yoga today. By that I mean I'm in the back seat of a hot car trying to contort myself enough to reach the ignition."

"What is a lesbians favorite day of the week? Tuesday"

"I'm so bad at philosophy.... .....I Kant even"

"TIL Ron Jeremy is a porn star I always thought he was just an actor but as soon as he came on the screen it was clear"

"Did you hear the one about the gay midget? He went up on a guy."

"as a teen did you ever steal your moms booze and fill it back up with water, or steal money out of her purse and fill it back up with water"

"My friends think I have a drinking problem... So I told them ""no, I actually think I drink quite well"""

"A guy called into work on his last day there and says, ""Hey, boss! What's the difference between work and your daughter?"" ... ""I'm not coming into work this morning."

"I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."

"I'm on a whiskey diet... I've already lost three days."