40279

Joke of the Day

"I'm not flirting with you. I'm just nice. Get over yourself. Except you. You get under me."

"I love Summer. Two weeks of doing absolutely f*ck all. And, once my boss gets back, I get to go on holiday as well."

"An officer was fired for smoking cannabis and masturbating on the job. No name was given but he was a high wanking officer."

"A Russian went for an eye check up. The doctor showed him some letters on the board: CZWXNQSTAZKY ""Can you read this?"" The Russian responds, ""Read? I even know this guy. He's my cousin."""

"A man has been arrested after a bungled attempted at the theft of a combine harvester, during which he fell into the working parts of the machine. Police expect him to be bailed tomorrow."

"Careful, this is an alphabet bomb! If it goes off, it could spell disaster!"

"Q: What is the difference between a banjo and a South American Macaw? A: One is loud obnoxious and noisy; the other is a bird."

"UBER: Sounds better than ""Let's get in this strange man's car!"""

"The coolest letter. Why is N the coolest letter? Because it's N.Ice"

"She hated my mixed-tape back in high school. Last month she gave birth to her ninth baby. Thanks for saving my life, Depeche Mode!"