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Joke of the Day

"The child that I carried in my uterus for 9 months & suffered through 13 hrs of labor for just asked if he could have my pickle. Hell. No."

"(First Day as Mailman) ME: *wearing a suit made out of stapled together pieces of mail* Sup? BOSS: You're supposed to deliver those. ME: No."

"How to win the war on drugs 1) legalize all drugs. 2) require that all drugs be purchased through Comcast customer service."

"What's the Middle East's favorite candy? YemenHeads"

"My daughter refuses to play with her Ouija Board anymore because every time we play, it spells out CLEAN YOUR ROOM."

"""I high fived a shark, and then we ate burritos."" - Martin Luther King Jr.'s other dream."

"I became a banker. Then I lost interest."

"Looked up the oldest trick in the book... It just showed me who the first man to patronize a prostitute was."

"Why did the black man buy 4 boxes of condoms? Because he practices safe sex and they were on sale."

"I had so much sex... and I was so sexually drained, you could say I was fucking retarded."