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Joke of the Day

"(First Day as Mailman) ME: *wearing a suit made out of stapled together pieces of mail* Sup? BOSS: You're supposed to deliver those. ME: No."

"Bernie Sanders only has one night stands It's totally not his choice, but women tend not to call back once they still Feel The Bern the next morning."

"A Muslim walks into a bar An allahu ak-bar."

"Cw: you have a call holding M: put it in my voicemail Cw: he has a sexy Australian accent M: hiiii this is Jennifer"

"Which 2 Birthdays go by the quickest? the twenty second ones and the thirty second ones"

"Why did the leper crash his car? He left his foot on the accelerator."

"Clueless boyfriend walks into publix to buy condoms. Can't find them. Finally goes in the right aisle. Proceeds to have sex. Publix: where shopping is a pleasure... ...or lack there of."

"Whats the difference between jam and marmalade??NSFW You can't marmalade your cock up someone's ass"

"Did you hear about the farmer that failed dairy farming school? He didn't work well with udders."

"Why can't a bike stand on its own? Because it's two tired."