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Joke of the Day

"My son asked me the definition of impending doom. I just said, 'you know when you smell dog poop in the house, but you can't see it? That.'"

"I figured out why so many Islamic Terrorists hate Americans. It's because we all have our dicks out for haram babes"

"Want to know how to make tons of people mad real fast? your about to now how."

"How do you circumcise a whale? You need four skin divers"

"*waiter pouring wine* Say when sir *wine slowly fills up the restaurant*"

"I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist"

"I'm like the fruit cake of my family. Nobody likes me but I show up every Christmas anyway."

"My 4yo son just asked what squirrels eat. I answered nuts. We laughed so hard, hugged, and gave each other a high 5. My boy."

"What are Benedict Cumberbatch's fans called? Cumberbitches."

"I don't understand why everyone is getting so worked up about there being more than 2 genders... There's always been 3 anyways: male, female and wheelchair."