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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a joke and two dicks? You don't look like you could take a joke."

"If you're able to roll over in your grave, you should save that energy for yelling and digging."

"Holy crap! This guy in the car next to me is absolutely losing his shit over ""My Heart Will Go On""...said the guy in the car next to me"

"Boy the things I did to that tirimisu were obscene! It was sort of embarrassing when they asked me to go back to my own table though."

"A favorite at parties To a large group: ""What do you say to a man with a one inch penis?"" ""How's it going, [name of group member]?"""

"Damn girl, did it hurt? ""What, when I fell from Heaven?"" ""Yeah, cause your face is really fucked up."""

"How many art directors does it take to change a lightbulb? Should it really be a lightbulb?"

"Me: *takes her shirt off & sees a padded bra* whoa Her: I'm so sorry, are you upset? M: *pulls a salami out of my shorts* let's call it even"

"""Does this hurt?"" ""YES!"" ""What about this?"" ""OW!"" *Dr. writes notes* ""Patient shows symptoms of pain when stabbed with knife. Keep updates."""

"I bought a little boy kitten yesterday, I named him F14. However he's really straggly... ...So unfortunately today I've had to spend all day today Grumman my Tomcat. Thank you, thank you."