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Joke of the Day

"Me: *takes her shirt off & sees a padded bra* whoa Her: I'm so sorry, are you upset? M: *pulls a salami out of my shorts* let's call it even"

"Wlkom I happyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy"

"What do you call it when a gorilla takes martial arts lessons? Kong-fu"

"Oohh, you play bass, as in the guitar. I thought you played bass, like the fish. I would've paid to see that."

"The average married couple has sex 68 times a year. I should be pretty busy the next couple weeks."

"What's worse than finding a worm in an apple? Finding half of a worm in an apple"

"chicken pot pie. my three favorite things"

"Someone please invent a service to grocery shop for you but also cook it into a meal and also the meal is pizza oh it's pizza delivery"

"Today I was asked if the guy that put up the blinds... was a blind installer. I said, 'Nope, he could see.'"

"According to rom coms, I haven't met the perfect guy because I've never chased an important paper down the block in a gust of wind."