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Joke of the Day

"Get off the goddamn Twitter, go out & live your life! I'll be here when you get back"

"History of panties... 50 years ago you'd have to pull down her panties to see her ass. Today, you have to pull her ass apart, to see her panties."

"Wife: How many beers did you have while I was gone? Me: Two. 4-year-old: It was nine. Teaching her to count was a mistake."

"If I ever lose a hand I'll replace it with a single nunchuck on a chain"

"I'm not saying your cat doesn't care about you, I'm saying if Lassie was a cat, Timmy would still be in that well"

"What do a baby and a pancake have in common? If it s black it ain t good"

"Is it just me Or do circles seem pointless?"

"I recently opened a suicide bomb store Business is booming"

"Why did Popeye beat up the Pope? He heard he was going to Mount Olive"

"How to handle a one night stand the next morning 1. Put on Titanic 2. He's gone, that's it"