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Joke of the Day

"Wife: How many beers did you have while I was gone? Me: Two. 4-year-old: It was nine. Teaching her to count was a mistake."

"Anytime I see a tweet in a different language, I read it as ""Oo ee Oo ah ah, ting tang walla walla bing bang."""

"Jesus one said: ""he who lives by the sword will die by the sword"" Apparently Jesus loved crossfit"

"Blasphemous jokes http://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/ubv1y/whats_the_best_religious_or_antireligious_joke/ Yes, it is in /r/atheism, but there are some really good ones in there"

"I saw a car with a flat tire so I offered to help. She tells me to hurry cause she has a hair appoinment..This is how serial killers r born"

"A mind is a terrible thing to waste. Unless you're stupid. In which case, who cares."

"My friend recently arrived in Turkey for his annual holiday. He is doing bird."

"Q: Did you hear about the 25 Irish people that drowned? A: They were riverdancing."

"Q: How do you get a cellist to play fortissimo? A: Write 'pp espressivo'."

"A man was arrested standing next to his homie coz it was homie side"