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Joke of the Day

"A little drunk. Playing scrabble with my cat. Not sure who's winning cause he's eaten most of his tiles."

"I mailed my maths homework to Barack Obama, Vladimir Putin and Queen Elizabeth II ...it said to give my answers to 3 significant figures."

"A boy and a gorilla walk into a bar... The boy says ""first shot's on me"" The gorilla replies ""nah, I got this"""

"When a cashier thanks you for your purchase, unsettle them by looking deep in their eyes and softly saying, ""Anything for a friend."""

"One and only ""Damn, i would like to get down your skirt"", the horny boy said to the pretty girl. The pretty girl replies: ""why? There's already one ashole there"""

"What species of mushroom is known for being an instigator? The shiitalkie mushroom."

"How many cops does it take to throw a man down the stairs? None. He fell."

"Why is Vladimir Putin always Russian? Because he's never Finnish."

"Why do mermaids wear seashell bras? Because ""B"" shells are to small and ""D"" shells are too big."

"A few years ago we had Steve Jobs, Johnny Cash and Bob Hope. Now we have no Jobs, no Cash and no Hope.. Please don't let Kevin Bacon die."