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Joke of the Day

"One and only ""Damn, i would like to get down your skirt"", the horny boy said to the pretty girl. The pretty girl replies: ""why? There's already one ashole there"""

"What would Gregor Mendel pray for if he had a blender for his experiments? Whirled Peas"

"""Grab a Pop Tart!"" I tell my kids as I'm mixing up the dogs' breakfasts of organic, grain-free dog food with Greek yogurt and $85 vitamins."

"The Word Election and Erection Are Spelt Similarly. They also have the same meaning A dick rising to power!"

"""hoes before hos"" --the belief that your garden's needs should always come before your bitch's."

"Knock Knock... 1.Knock knock. Whos there? Yoda lady. Yoda lady who? Good job yodeling! 2.Knock knock. Whos there? Well, not your parents, because your parents never knock!"

"What's the difference between a baby and a sandwich? I don't fuck a sandwich before I eat it."

"I was about to make a sodium joke... but Na"

"Him: Why are you wrapping me up like a burrito & how did you find a tortilla this big? Me: Shhh! This is my fantasy & burritos don't talk."

"I was telling a friend how Jewish people call god by another name, and he was like ""No way!"", and I was like... ""No, seriously. They do."""