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Joke of the Day

"What did the Secret Service agent say to the President-elect when someone tried to take a shot at him? Donald, Duck!"

"I was addicted to brake fluid... ...but I know I can stop whenever I want!"

"Why I Chose my Internet Provider I chose Cox. At least they are honest about who they are."

"People that say ""money doesn't buy happiness"" obviously have never been divorced."

"I have a tendency to run around naked... So every morning I spray myself with Windex, to prevent me from streaking."

"I said to my wife's mother ""when you're dead, I'll dance in your grave."" she said: ""Good, I'm being buried at sea."""

"I asked my wife what she wanted for christmas she told me ""nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace"" so I bought her nothing"

"Did Jesus ever get drunk? I dunno either, but I heard he got hammered once."

"Two birds are sitting on a perch... The first one says, ""Hey... do you smell fish?"""

"How is Santa able to carry so many presents at once? Santa isn't real."