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Joke of the Day
"I was addicted to brake fluid... ...but I know I can stop whenever I want!"
Next Joke
"I'm probably not the person to ask to talk to kids about the dangers of drugs seeing as my year on ecstasy was the BEST YEAR EVER."
"Hey people that sit on planes not reading, listening to or watching anything: you look like serial killers."
"That awkward moment when you're digging a hole to hide a body, and you find another body #truestory"
"I'll bet Johnny Depp is somewhere supercool right now, wearing 7 scarves."
"Everyone in the world but you is a robot and the experiment is going really poorly."
"Ferguson, MO In the after hours bars where the cops in Ferguson hang out, the most popular tipple is a 'Jim Crow': that's a shot of Jim Beam, and a shot of Old Crow - served separate, but equal."
"How does a spoiled rich girl change a lightbulb? She says, ""Daddy, I want a new apartment."""
"A rap song where I'm just telling my dog about my day & I keep rhyming with ""treats"" so he stays interested."
"Cop: Whatever you say will be held against you. Me: TEDDYBEARS Cop: Aww."