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Joke of the Day

"A dyslexic person walks into a bar I on the other hand am not dyslexic and am not one to frequent drinking holes. Also I suck at jokes."

"Hey boobs, keep up the good work!"

"What do you call an Egyptian with a gastrological disorder? Toot Uncommon."

"I like my women like I like my golf score Mid-eighties and with slight handicap."

"I'm so hungry, I could eat this food without even instagraming it first. No, but seriously, I'm going to instagram it first. Don't be crazy"

"There's an apartment building in my neighborhood that's full of guys who think they're Jesus It's a Messiah Complex"

"""Where do you see yourself in 5 lives?"" (Dalai Lama job interview)"

"My Doctor says I'm a serious alcoholic, but I think I'm more of a funny alcoholic."

"My great-grandmother lived to be 106 and never needed glasses. She always just drank straight from the bottle."

"What does a drill with a dildo attached to the end and watching golf have in common? They both bore the fuck out of you!"