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Joke of the Day

"An interesting fact about owls. Their heads can rotate up to 360 degrees before it comes off in your hand."

"[electric chair] ""Any requests for your final minutes?"" ""Yeh, I want the last episode of Lost explained."" *acquitted on a technicality"

"What do you call it when Hitler pees? Fuhrenating."

"It's almost Christmas, which means it's almost time to hear my parents' new excuses for why Jennifer Lawrence isn't under the tree again."

"You know what's cool? 0C"

"What is the difference between a trampoline and a baby? A trampoline doesn't look adorable in a sailor outfit"

"Special shout-out to various coworkers for keeping me warm during this chilly weather by wearing perfume that burns my eyes and lungs."

"Drugs are never the answer kids. Unless the question is ""why have you been checking under the carpet for lizards for 3 days straight?"""

"I was reading in the paper today... about this dwarf that got pickpocketed. How could anyone stoop so low?"

"Last night I had a dream I ate 10 lb. marshmallow. When I awoke, I could not find my pillow."