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Joke of the Day

"It may seem like I have my shit together, but honestly I just learned how to spell February correctly."

"Is it too much to ask that my gay friends flamboyantly leap from closets when I visit their houses?"

"girl [smiling]: hey, how are you!? me [visibly nervous]: not much!"

"Wanna hear a short joke? Joke. Ok, But do you wanna hear a longer joke? Joooooooooooooooooooooooooke"

"What do you get if you jack off Donald Trump? you could say, I vank a Trump"

"My local supermarket is selling Star Wars-themed cereal... They really are trying to milk the franchise for all its worth."

"What's a policeman's favorite gaming console? Wii-U, Wii-U, Wii-U!"

"[using ouija board] R2...L2....L1....R2...LEFT...DOWN... ""what the hell?"" [everyone is suddenly carrying like 8 different guns]"

"Why was the apricot late to the party? He got stuck in a jam."

"What is love? You just sang ""baby, don't hurt me."" In your mind didn't you?"