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Joke of the Day

"Will you date me? breathe if yes, swim across the atlantic ocean while reciting the bible in japanese if no"

"I Like my Woman How I Like my Coffee... Hot, in the kitchen, and ready for me when I wake up."

"Why do scientists call helium , curium and barium the medical elements? Because, if you can't helium or curium , you'd barium!"

"I tried to teach my grandma how to eat noodles with chopsticks She accidentally made a sweater."

"My nephew didn't cry when Mufasa died so I stopped the movie. What is wrong with kids of today?"

"How do you win an election? By having people believe that you've won an election."

"[driver on opposite side of the road puts head lights on] moth driving: omg moth wife: Harold no we have a baby moth baby: FLOOR IT DAD"

"did you hear the one about the deaf guy? niether did he."

"I took a job as a suicide bomber yesterday. I guess you could say it's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity."

"I've just bought that new Lynx deodorant breadcrumb edition. The birds can't get enough of me!"