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Joke of the Day

"Damn girl, are you from Syria? Because you're revolting."

"If you smell burnt toast, you may be having a stroke... But if you also smell bacon then you're probably having breakfast."

"doctor: ""is there anything that runs in the family?"" wife: ""hm not really"" me: ""the dog jogs a lot"""

"Your mom fails so hard at life...[nsfw] I gave her a D out of sympathy."

"Anyone else wake up in a grass skirt and coconut bra?"

"What star sign is a donut? It's a Taurus!"

"Harry Potter wakes up in hospital. ""Welcome back. You've been in a coma for 8 years"" says the doctor. ""What happened?"" asked Harry ""You ran face first into a wall."""

"I went to an extremely attractive female doctor today for my annual checkup. She told me that I had to quit masturbating. I asked why and she said, ""Because I'm trying to examine you."""

"[job interview] ""So what are your goals for working here?"" To be home by noon..."

"Why do people at Disneyland hate coke heads? They're always cutting lines"