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Joke of the Day

"Coworker: Do you party? Me: Well I do schedule two nights a month that I stay up past 11pm. So yeah."

Next Joke
 
"Your momma so fat... She needs cheat codes for Wii Fit."
"My girlfriend made a call during sex... She let me know she was having a great time and she'd be home soon. Thought that was sweet."
"Ukraine asks Russia to leave... Russia replies, ""Crimea river."""
"I don't trust Sperm Banks, so naturally I keep my semen hidden in my mattress."
"Why was Luis Suarez expelled from the rap contest? Because he was biting."
"Why do Irishmen hate Kia? Because gingers don't have Souls."
"Two condoms walk past a gay bar... One looks to the other and says ""let's get shit faced"""
"I'm never wrong. One time, I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken..."
"I'm seriously considering taking up falconry. Someone pisses me off? BAM! Falcon, right in the face."