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Joke of the Day

"[scale says I've gained 5 pounds] Me: It's probably just what I'm wearing. Wife: You're naked. Me: Wife: Me: It's a heavy deodorant."

"Daylight robbery... I got robbed today at Shell gas station. I called the cops, and they asked if I knew who did it. I said, ""Yeah, pump 6."""

"There's two fish in a tank !!!"

"Don't ask me about my pan pizza... It's personal."

"How did Barack propose to Michelle? He got down on one knee and said, ""I don't wanna be Obama self."""

"Guy says, ""damn, there should be a law against having sex this good!"" The girl said nothing, for the drugs had left her unconscious."

"In a primary school... The teacher asks students to draw female reproductive system. A girl in the class puts her head down out of shyness. A boy looks at her and exclaims ""Ma'am she's copying!""."

"Most action figures are surprisingly inactive."

"Remember the guy who played in the deer hunter, and pulp fiction? Christopher something or other... Anyway, I heard that he's opening a new hospital. They're calling it the Walken clinic."

"Wish there was a way to take all of these people commenting on the internet and make them useful."