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Joke of the Day

"Looking for someone willing to kill a man who has wronged me. Unfortunately I can't pay but would be good exposure for an emerging murderer"

"A Higgs Boson walks into a Church and is told to leave He says 'but you can't have mass without me!'"

"A husband and a wife were having dinner... ... the wife dropped some tomato sauce on her top and said 'ugh, I look like a pig'. The husband responds 'AND you have tomato sauce on your top!'"

"What's the worst thing a woman can hear after giving Willie Nelson a blow job? ""I'm not Willie Nelson."""

"What did the Easter egg say to the boiling water? Its gonna take a while to get me hard, I just got laid by some chick."

"How many Buzzfeed writers does it take to change a lightbulb? 13\. Number 9 will shock you!"

"What's the difference between a happy programmer and a sad programmer? ""Hello, world"" and ""Goodbye, cruel world"""

"I asked my shrink how he felt about the lack of progress he was making."

"What do you call 100 blondes standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel!"

"What is the quietest place on Earth? The complaint department at a parachute packing company."