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Joke of the Day

"A husband and a wife were having dinner... ... the wife dropped some tomato sauce on her top and said 'ugh, I look like a pig'. The husband responds 'AND you have tomato sauce on your top!'"

"What is atheism? A non-prophet religion Edit: Replace the word ""religion"" with ""set of beliefs"" if you're picky about that sort of thing"

"You can't keep eating people's lunches from the break room & blaming the Taliban. A lot of what you've been stealing is pork for one thing."

"-That toaster oven looks worn out. Why are you still using it? -Sentimental attachment. -It just caught fire. -Aww, just like old times."

"What sport do you play with a wombat? Wom"

"What time do you go to the dentist? 2:30"

"So I fucked this bitch the other night. She started to get real clingy, so I asked my buddy for some advice. He said, ""Yeah man, golden retrievers can be like that sometimes."""

"Once you... Once you go black, you're a single mother."

"I dated a girl that wore a mood ring. When happy it would be a pretty blue colour. When she was mad it made a big oval mark on my forehead."

"Dave was hard at work It was really quite awkward for his female coworkers."