37802

Joke of the Day

"When your wife asks if men think about sex every 7 seconds the correct answer is ""I think of you all the time dear"" & not ""Sex with who?""."

"Sorry I'm two hours late for work but I was trying to open a Toaster Strudel icing packet with wet hands."

"Why should you never play poker with African cats? Because they're cheetahs."

"CREATION OF MAN God: And as they age, they shall lose all the hair on their heads and grow more in their ears & noses Angel: Yes, my Liege"

"[at home on video conference call] Yeah boss I don't know why I keep dropping. Maybe my connection is bad. *pauses Netflix on 2nd monitor*"

"Honey, what is the name of that German that hides things around the house? Alzheimer grandma, Alzheimer!"

"I wonder if the Colorado Planned Parenthood shooter had a Plan B?"

"What weighs 12lbs and won't be getting plucked this Christmas Scott Weilands guitar"

"What does the floor of my house and a girl with a partial nudity fetish have in common? They both feel a lot wetter when Ive got socks on."

"My superpower is getting behind the person who is obviously refinancing their mortgage at the ATM."