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Joke of the Day

"CREATION OF MAN God: And as they age, they shall lose all the hair on their heads and grow more in their ears & noses Angel: Yes, my Liege"

"Been coughing all day. Can't seem to stop. Guess I should go see a movie."

"I just called to get my credit score and I heard laughing in the background. Sounds like a cool place to work."

"HIPSTER BOOTY CALL... BEER Can I buy you an ironically lowbrow beer?"

"I call all dogs 'puppies', regardless of age. They like it."

"It's fun being a philosophy major I get to reflect on why I can't pay for food"

"Apparently If ur BF says ""if anything happens to me,I want u to meet someone new...."" ""anything"" doesn't include getting stuck in traffic."

"Say the punchline first. Wait, I mean, how do you ruin a good joke?"

"If you're gonna write a 300 word Instagram description for your photo, go ahead & throw a murder confession in there. Nobody will ever know."

"What does the Mafia and pussies have in common? One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit"