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Joke of the Day

"76% of being in a relationship is waiting for someone to watch a show."

"The clearer your conscience, the more likely you are to answer a call from an unknown number."

"What do they call diarrhea at Hogwarts? expellianus!"

"Why do women wear makeup and perfume? Because they're ugly and they smell bad."

"Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I'm not so sure what I did, but he sent me a text that only said, ""K"" so it must be pretty bad."

"I just forked over $5,000 for a reincarnation seminar I figured what the hell you only live once."

"me: when I was your age there was a band called Hoobastank grandson: his mind is clearly degraded. that cannot be true. the old man is dying"

"...Moth balls Have you ever smelled moth balls? . . . . . You have?...How'd you get the tiny little legs apart?"

"I'm not afraid of identity theft. Go ahead and enjoy being broke and having my dad call you a failure."

"Sixteen sodium atoms walk into a bar... followed by Batman."