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Joke of the Day

"Check out this joker with his accounting book.. Guy thinks he's Heath Ledger."

"Walk up to the guy with a popped collar and spiked hair & say ""What's up, Chad?"" & he'll be all ""Whoa... How'd you know my name, bro?"""

"People say I have the legs of a dancer. But until they find the rest of the body, the cops have nothing on me, man!"

"My brief gig as a lounge singer ended when I asked 4 requests & realized I didn't know the song ""Get Off the Stage or Die."" Elvis, maybe?"

"If I swollow A weener whole, will it come out the same way? I feel like it would be really good if that happened."

"My life is like r/jokes It's the same thing everyday"

"It's called a ""remote"" because those are your odds of finding it when you want to change the channel."

"What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute? Your job still sucks!"

"Me: Just so you know, I'm DTF right now. Wife: I don't know what ""DTF"" means. Me: Take a guess. Wife: (pause) Definitely Too Fat?"

"A man was arrested for masturbating on a plane. The charge was highjacking, but he got off."