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Joke of the Day

"1. Get preg 2. Transfer ur soul to fetus using Satanic alchemy 3. Give birth to yourself 4. Old body dies 5. Be a baby"

"Me: *gets on scale* 5yo: Whoa! That's a lot of points!"

"I'm going to get a dime-sized spider tattooed on my penis. It's the only way I can get women to shout ""Oh my God it's huge!"" when they see my dick."

"INTERVIEWER: Do you have any hidden talents? ME: I taught myself how to play piano INTERVIEWER: By ear? ME: No, just with my hands"

"The best thing about being an accountant is that everyone assumes you're not a psychopath."

"A terrorist invites his socially awkward friend to a party ""C'mon,"" he said, ""It'll be a blast."""

"What do you get if you combine a rhetorical question and a joke?"

"Whats a rednecks favorite thing to do on Halloween? Pump Kin"

"How much Viagra do you have to give a computer to turn its software into hardware? Just enough to completely fill up the floppy diks drive."

"Why was the baby elf sad? Because he was Legolas"