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Joke of the Day
"I get anxious when there aren't at least 24 pieces of advertising within my field of vision."
Next Joke
"What do you call an angry Muslim in Ramadan? Fastin' Furious"
"My sister fell in love at second sight. When she first met him she didn't know how rich he was."
"Guy Who Invented Figurative Speech: I've got something that'll blow your minds. Townspeople: *fleeing in abject terror*"
"The five senses are touch, smell, sight, hearing, and..... It's on the tip of my tongue..."
"My mom just put a pic on Facebook that says, ""Share if your daughter is beautiful AND smart."" She tagged my sister."
"I would like to tell you about how I beat the Elite Four's Pokemon using only Luvdisc... But just a disclaimer, that battle is not for the faint of heart."
"My ex-wife was a great housekeeper... she kept the house after the divorce."
"[Fitbit commercial with me] BEFORE: lazy guy AFTER: lazy guy who had $129"
"Wearing crocs is like getting your dick sucked by a man. Feels great and then you look down and realize you're gay."