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Joke of the Day

"What did one sailor say to the other on Dec. 7 1941? There's a little nip in the air."

"Slow and steady wins the race, unless it's one of those weird races that puts an emphasis on speed."

"What's Irish and stays out on your deck? Paddy O'furniture"

"Leonardo DiCaprio, Ellen Page set to star in a sci-fi adaptation of Colin Kaepernick's career. *Interception*"

"TIL that FDR was the first sitting President to travel by airplane Maybe tomorrow I'll learn who the first standing President to travel by airplane was!"

"What did Serena say to Venus before they faced off in the US Open? In tennis, love means nothing."

"Are you African? [NSFW] Because you are a frican bitch. Zing~!"

"Bought shoes from a drug dealer Not sure what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day!"

"""Now is a good time to think about every mistake you've ever made."" - 3 am"

"I'd eat more Mexican food if it didn't look like someone had already eaten it before me."