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Joke of the Day

"Two friends were walking down the road, won took a crap and shit slid out. Her friend said that aint shit that my cunt"

"I feel like grabbing a random kid by the shoulders and screaming ""I'm you from the future!"""

"I nevur make the same mistake twice. NEVUR."

"Shakespeare could see the future. He knew people would listen to only two types of music. Doobie or not Doobie."

"[working in garage] ""Hand me a screwdriver, son"" A flat one? ""No"" [mixes vodka and Orange Crush] Here ya go"

"Which is more environment-friendly: Facebook or r/jokes? Facebook produces too much plastics while r/jokes has 100% recycling rate."

"There Once Was A Poet Named Bates His poems weren't always first rate, His first lines weren't bad, but the problem he had, Was that he always tried to put too many syllables into the last line."

"Bruce Wayne: I wanna fight crime. Alfred: You're a billionaire. Open orphanages, free clinics, day care cen- Bruce: No I wanna punch people."

"Astronauts are cowards, why don't you stay down here and face earth's problems like a man"

"My stoner neighbors got divorced but it's okay because they got joint custody"